I've always feel so disappointed in myself with the fact that I only got 4As, 4Bs and 2Cs. And the 4Bs were all B3s. I could've easily get A2s for History, Agama, Chemistry and BM. Thus, I would've gotten 8As instead of 4. But I decided life has got to move on. Then I got rejected by bloody UiTM. That was a slap and a punch to my gut. I was so sad, to the point where I cried for two days in a row. I suppose a National Debate certificate, and an A1 for English O Levels weren't enough to do a TESL course. And then I decided, life has got to move on.
Just because I didn't get UiTM, it's not the end of the road for me. Then I got Matriculation. Science, 1 year. And I landed the IJN Nursing interview. Both of which I declined.
I believe that God has bigger plans for us all. If I didn't get any place in Public instituitions, including Form 6, then it's okay. I am bummed as hell that my parents have to spend so much on my education, but that's what you get when you're not a Malay. I may speak and look like a Malay, but the record says otherwise. So who am I to go against that?
My final blow was when I found out I didn't get Form 6. At least if I get that one, I can spend 2 months doing something in school while waiting to enter Limkokwing. Mum told me those who got Matriculation, will not get Form 6. So again, God has bigger plans for me.
I suppose it is my fate to further my studies in a Private instituition, like my cousin did. He didn't get UiTM. And he got 5As, and really good grades for Add Maths and Physics. He didn't get to do Engineering course at UiTM.
So my point is, God has greater plans for us all. If we get rejected by something, just keep your head held up high. Forget about the past, just focus on how to further your studies. I've planned to enter UiTM ever since I was in Form 3. I admit, at one point I was being very over confident with the fact that I can enter UiTM, no matter what. So by getting rejected by UiTM was a big wake up call for me.
Maybe this isn't my place to say all this stuff because I'm Farhana. The daughter of a Guru Cemerlang Biology. The girl who skips class a lot in 2007. The girl who never studies and is bad at academics.
Everyone expect me to do good. My mum's other top ranking friends always ask "Your daughter sure get straight As for SPM, right?". My mum would always reply back "She's not a straight As student, she would always manage 1 or 2 the most. But for SPM she got 4As, and I'm very happy with her." Mum's friends would always go, "Oohh..." Just that.
Just because my mum's a big time Biology teacher, it doesn't mean I can turned out to be just like she is now. I hate living under that expectations.
I know every one at school would go, "4As, je? She didn't study lah tu." Well, I'm sorry that God decided not to give me a bigger brain. I know you guys know that I'm not intelligent that's why I didn't get a single scholarship. But knowing that, knowing that I only managed to get 2A1 and 1A2 (excluding my A1 for EST) why do you keep tagging me about JPA scholarship lah, that scholarship, this scholarship? Why do you keep on talking about how your interview went? Do you even think about how I'd feel? How crushed I feel because I didn't get any scholarships let alone an entrance to any public university? How devastated I feel because my parents now have to fork out tonnes of money to send me off to a private university?
C'mon guys. All I'm saying is if you get shutted out, don't fret. Another door of opportunity will open up, maybe not in 1 week or 1 month. Maybe next year you'll get a better chance of getting what you want. Keep your head help up high and remember this: God has a bigger and better plan for us all.
Labels: academics, random, results, thoughts
posted by Ana @ 10:12 AM 4 Comments
